YOU TOO CAN BECOME A PITUITARY FREAK: GOT MILK?
I love watching pro basketball, and live just 15 minutes
away from the arena at which the New Jersey Nets play their
home games in the Jersey Meadowlands. On Friday night, I
watched the Nets become Eastern Conference champs, and await
the results of today's final between Los Angeles and
Sacramento to see who Jersey plays in the championship
Immediately preceding the tipoff of Friday night's game,
nationally televised on NBC, the dairy industry ran a milk
ad. There stood a ballplayer, holding his basketball.
Calcium for growth. That was the message. How deceptively
Growth is genetically predetermined. The one factor that can
counter biologically pre-determined genetic coding is a
growth hormone, not calcium. Internal secretions of
hormones, the or introduction of hormones by some external
means, can alter the set of instructions contained within
the helical strands of DNA inside of the cell's chromosomes.
Human growth hormones and bovine growth hormones have both
been used by endocrinologists to promote human growth.
Once in every million or so births, a child is born with a
badly mal-functioning pituitary gland.
By kindertgarten age, that child grows taller than his
teacher. By third grade, the young man soars to the height
of six feet. Then, somebody hands him a basketball.
As the ball bounces, and as the child's pituitary gland
secretes enormous doses of chemical hormones sending signal
to bones to grow out of control, that young man's destiny
becomes sealed. He will forever be the recipient of not-so-
funny "How's the weather up there?" jokes.
If the young man practices his skills, and is very lucky,
his rare physiological handicap becomes an asset, and he
learns to play basketball.
Such a man was born in Barcelona, Spain in 1980, and he now
plays for the National Basketball Association's (NBA)
Tennesse franchise. His skills have been so refined, that
this man has been named the NBA's "rookie of the year."
Pau Gasol is tall and skinny. Two hundred and twenty-seven
pounds apppear to have been spray painted onto his 84 inch
frame. Basketball fans did not see this seven footer play
college ball because he didn't attend college, but the dairy
industry feels that pituitary freaks best exemplify the
One of the newest milk mustache ads:
Seven foot tall caucasians are rarities, indeed. One goliath
of a freak might have fought David at the battle of Shocoh,
but seven-foot tall white men do not become Watusi warriors.
They do not even become Golden State Warriors. They become
Their inner strengths result from too many hormones. Milk
mustache ads for such pituitary freaks? How appropriate.
Each sip of milk contains powerful growth hormones. Cow's
milk contains a lot of calcium because cows eat lots of
plants containing calcium. Do cows grow tall as a result of
what they eat?
Each sip of milk contains powerful steroid and protein
Each sip of milk contains estrogen and progesterone,
hormones that offer feminizing influences to those who drink
body fluids from lactating bovines. Cows are milked before
they birth calves. The pre-birth milk sends signals to
mammary tissues of cows, instructing their milk-secreting
glands to grow.
Each sip of milk contains powerful protein hormones as well
as steroid hormones. The building blocks of protein hormones
are amino acids. When comparing the bovine growth hormone
(bGH) to the human growth hormone (GH),one finds many
similarities. Both contain the exact same number of amino
acids, 191, although the sequence of these aminos differs by
There is a growth hormone more powerful than even GH. That
hormone is called insulin-like growth factor-I (IGF-I).
Each sip of milk contains IGF-I. IGF-I in humans and cows
both contain 70 amino acids. Human IGF-I is identical to
bovine IGF-I. The aminos occur in the same sequence. Much
like a key fitting into a lock, the growth hormones are
Eat calcium and grow tall? That's nonsense. Drink milk
containing powerful growth hormones and grow? That is true.
Stretch your bones beyond the degree that they were
originally designed for? That's what happens.
Perhaps that is why nations drinking the greatest amounts of
milk also have the highest rates of crippling osteoporosis.
It's all about hormones.
So, if you would like your child to become a pituitary
freak, give him (or her) cow's milk. Milk is the ideal
hormonal delivery system.
Perhaps your son will grow as tall as Pau Gasol and not have
to attend college, and play professional basketball for the
Memphis Grizzlies, and be blessed with a milk mustache
advertisement as his reward.
Sometimes the effects of milk hormones are subtle. That
depends upon the individual. An entire world has been
changed by such subtleties, and few note the differences
between the little girls of the 70's generation, and today's
sexually mature third graders who resemble mature women.
As dietary changes result in the increased consumption of
concentrated dairy products (cheese, ice cream, pizza), so
too does the evolution of a new species of homo sapiens, the