Robert Cohen (NOTMILKMAN) Receives Noble Prize

I’ve won, I’ve won, and I’m framing my award.
This is a great honor for me, and it's beyond
my wildest dream!

I've received a noble prize (No, not THE Nobel
Prize) from a company that shows their noble
intentions, and to think, I once made fun of
these guys! Thank you, Ben & Jerry's!

In past years, we’re sometimes treated to the
silliest of stories that bring wide grins to our
faces and embarrassment to others.

Rover McDermott once received a summons for
jury duty. Trouble is, Rover was the McDermott
family dog.

Jenny Ruiz received an American Express card.
Trouble is, Jennifer was still in diapers, and
had not yet been potty trained.

Rabbi Levine received a discounted offer for
a one-year subscription to Hustler magazine.
(Mrs. Levine was less than pleased).

Harry Smith was drafted into the army, but his
fourth grade teacher would not even give him
a hall pass, let alone allow him to be inducted
into the armed forces.

Mrs. Hilary Clinton received a solicitation for
funds from the Bob Dole for President campaign.
That was a very democratic offer from her
Republican friends.

Occasionally, computers glitch or mailing lists
become re-directed to inappropriate recipients.
Sometimes, marketing people mess up---big time.

On Saturday (January 19, 2002), I received the
most wonderful and surprising news. I became the
recipient of Ben & Jerry’s 2001 'Citizen Cool'
Award.

Yes, I, the Notmilkman, received recognition for
"making a positive difference" and "doing cool
things" in my "community to make the world a
better place to live."

THE AWARD

Adobe pdf file (82kb)
http://www.notmilk.com/benjeraward.pdf

Graphic (one page 121kb)
http://www.notmilk.com/graphics/benjeraward.jpg

I am touched.

What did I do merit such an honor?

In the year 2001, I mentioned Ben & Jerry’s a few
times in my columns. Ben & Jerry’s must appreciate
truth, despite the fact that after eating Funky
Clunky Monkey, consumers look chunky.

Here are some of the things I wrote about
Ben & Jerry’s last year:

  "Ben Cohen just received four essential
   ingredients, each a large piece of vein
   taken from Ben's leg to replace and bypass
   badly damaged atherosclerotic sections
   of Mr. Ice Cream's arteries."

  "Ben's tasty treats may contain nine components
   that are essential to the financial survival
   of cardiologists and heart surgeons. Fat.
   Cholesterol. Xanthene Oxidase. Galactose.
   Dioxins. Virus, pus, bacteria & parasites."

  "Steve Milloy (junkscience.com) tested Ben's
   Vanilla ice cream. What did he find? Two hundred
   times the safe level of dioxins. Industrial
   sludge adds to the potent brew of essential
   ingredients."

I immortalized Ben & Jerry's in the quiz at the
end of my new book, MILK A-Z. Question number 18:

18) Dioxins are highly toxic by-products of
industrial processes including chemical and
municipal waste incineration. These compounds
penetrate the environment via air, water and
soil and are then incorporated in food chains.
The level of dioxin in a single serving of the
Ben & Jerry's World's Best Vanilla Ice Cream
tested was almost 200 times greater than the
safe daily dose determined by the Environmental
Protection Agency. What did Ben Cohen of Ben &
Jerry's fame have to say regarding dioxins?

a)"Our containers are environmentally friendly,
and dioxin-free, so just dump the ice cream,
and eat the container."

b)"I just had quadruple bypass heart surgery.
Please put your question in writing, and I'll
have my staff get back to you."

c)"We never realized you'd be supremely nuts
to continue eating our Natural Nutty-Nuts
Supreme Surprise."

d)(Before the test): "The only safe level of
dioxin exposure is no exposure at all."
(After the test):"It's in the environment."

Thank you to all of you on the Ben & Jerry's
marketing team from all of us at the Dairy
Education Board for your award. We will do
our best to continue our "community service."

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